"Mind Your Surroundings"

The title is the only viable piece of good work the pathetic excuse for a film "Batman Begins" stamped into my nerve endings. However with it I as my base, I can now attempt to explain a focus, yet not a focus; it is technically such, but focuses on, not the word, nor the images, or anything at all connected with "focus", but is simply another manifestation of the idea, which has no word in itself.
This manifestation, as it occurs, and is now sharply obvious to me, has been around since I can recall. It is funny how I can recall something, which at the time I did not even notice, but yet it does remain in my memory that I have experienced this manifestation countless times before.
The particular appearance of focus is based on the surroundings in my mind's eye. Those same surroundings which I have thus far subconsciously created, and had tremendous difficulty in focusing upon. If I am in tune, or aware of my conjuration of them, then I am calm. Otherwise, a frenzy of unsuccessful attempts riddled with the why's and how's of what is happening to my emotional state, only induce a further trance of that which they seek to understand, leaving me to an eventual breakdown and depression.

Now, the best description I can provide at this moment would be one which Buddhists use: an extention of the self, the body. If I believe I am sitting on my orange and white couch typing this blog right now, I subconsciously create a portrait of exactly such a situation. The TV in front of me, the bike to my left, the windows, doors, temperature, even to the slightest, however "foggy" and remembered these senses might seem, as if out of in a state of dream, they are there, and it is they that create the extention of myself to which my focus is soley devoted.

If I wish to devote myself to not feeling a certain way, I must change. The change, I hay logically thus far assumed was in my emotions themselves. It is only a miniscule part. The change is in my environment, one which guides my emotions so strongly, that the emotions themselves, as weak and uncultivated as they are, cannot resist its direction. Thus to try to accumulate sudden mastery of them, through asking of their change (and pessimistically rebuking myself if I do not succeed, by creating yet another set of environments in my head) is ludicrous.

So I change, through first acknowledging the created environments, the environment. This is not as easy as it sounds. The amount of awareness, impartiality, and change in state from an autonomously emotionally attached one, to a blissful and undisturbed state of 3rd person observer, is excessively difficult. After all, this is the goal on which the practice of mindfulness meditation is centered upon.

Then with this change I learn to embrace the reality of now, and the changes of the world as they come, without unsuspectingly subjecting myself, rather habitually and possibly almost, or on the brink of, subconsciously to environments, which force me into the past, future, and onto other tasks which are irrelevant to the now.