My Doppelganger

I'’ve felt his presence since my madness began. Only recently has he come to the surface of my existence in an experience. He is my couch potato. He is the lazy, uncaring, characterized by laziness, suicidal thoughts, & pessimism. This seemingly detestable character has ruled my life every afternoon in front of the TV. Now he is my most cherished ally versus his own nature. He is the ultimate weapon to counteract thoughts based outside myself. Thoughts, which usually center around the future, my feelings, and expectations of others, and their thoughts of me. Now by pretending I'’m on my couch when these intrusive thoughts encroach my mindful, and potentially self loving, cherished territory, he battles them down, soothing me not to care for their existence as I would not care for anything else; then I love myself. Once I love myself I the world springs, as if compressed and waiting, to color and meanings. I am a different person --– a person with unlike memories of my predecessor, unfathomable childishness toward the world, innocence, and desire to improve.

This is the only desire which can lead to improvement itself. I need to feel, literally feel, or be very aware of, somehow, my ability to improve on my previous attempts. Otherwise I spill my time as a pleasure not concentrated to a goal.